WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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