remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
