Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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