we have pet lesbian snakes
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
