exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
