This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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