no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
