It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
