she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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