it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
