My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize