And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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