Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
