If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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