thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I believe in your delicious
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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