From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
