no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
