I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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