she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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