Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
