His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
