I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
