apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
