i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
