My pussy is not your playground.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize