On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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