I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
