Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
