dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
