Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
