THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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