Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
