I am in a vortex of obligation.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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