tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
