I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
