...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
