Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
