This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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