When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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