They should really pass out barf bags in church
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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