I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
