Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
