my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
