and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
