what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
