I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
