im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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