he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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