we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
