Its about making memories worth repressing
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
