There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
