I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
