Where is the hickey?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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