You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize