i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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