Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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