They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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