Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
