it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
