EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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