i just google imaged poop.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
