I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
