He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
