she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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