I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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