marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
