i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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