I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
