tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize